Loving Your Debt: How Compassion Frees You From It
Now that we’re in the New Year…
While I’m not personally big on the idea that January is about “starting over”—it’s really a time to turn inward, rest, and be quiet—it is always a good time to face your financial reality.
In fact, the sooner you do it, the better.
For many women, debt carries a heavy layer of debt shame. And the pain of having debt and not facing it only reinforces that shame. It feeds beliefs like: I’m bad with money, I can’t control myself, or having debt means I’m unworthy.
Avoiding debt—and money in general—actually increases money anxiety. While not looking at your numbers might bring a moment of relief, that cloud is still hanging over your head, quietly threatening to crush you.
When you avoid, debt grows.
When I look at my own history with debt, yes—there were emotional drivers behind it. But so much of it also came from simply not paying attention… which, of course, was driven by emotion.
Unfelt emotions will absolutely get you into a pickle with money.
And so will avoiding responsibility.
So first things first: notice where responsibility might still be externalized. Maybe your partner made a bad investment. Maybe your parents never taught you about money. Those things matter. And still, from here on out, your relationship with money is yours to tend.
Next: make a date with your money.
And I mean an actual date. Candles. A good drink. Chocolate. Lipstick. Look cute.
The hardest part is looking at your numbers and adding things up. You might want to vomit. That’s normal. And I promise—it feels so much better than the constant background dread of not knowing.
You’ll feel more grounded. More in control. And then you can make a plan.
Love yourself through this process.
Having debt does not determine your value as a human.
On the practical side, I personally love a simple spreadsheet: creditor, amount due, interest rate, credit limit (important for credit utilization), ordered from highest to lowest interest.
For the nuts and bolts of paying debt down, I really like Tori Dunlap’s work on Financial Feminist. I especially appreciate that she focuses on building wealth while paying off debt…even though that goes against what many traditional money experts say.
There’s important psychology here. Paying down debt matters—but so does learning that you can build wealth and be good with money. When it comes to money mindset and debt, what you pay attention to grows. Some of your focus needs to be on expansion, not just cleanup.
There are many programs and strategies for paying off debt, and yes, this is absolutely something we can work with inside Awakened Wealth.
But what most debt programs miss is the emotional work…and the self-compassion.
If you don’t understand why a debt pattern formed, it will repeat. Old patterns dissolve only when they’re made conscious. Was it fear? A need to feel better? A desire to look successful? A lack of safety?
And here’s a somewhat unusual recommendation: practice gratitude for your debt.
What did it give you?
An amazing trip?
Medical care?
Education?
Fun dinners?
Clothes for your kids?
Debt, in many ways, is a privilege. Seeing it this way takes some of the charge—and shame—out of it.
Finally, offer it up.
To the Divine. To Life. To your Higher Self.
You might say:
Change me into one who can love, forgive, and accept myself—and this debt.
Release me of this burden. The debt is yours now.
The perfect solution for resolving it has already been chosen.
This is the deeper work of money for women. Not forcing. Not beating yourself up. But meeting yourself with honesty, responsibility, and compassion.
If this approach resonates, this is exactly the work we do inside Awakened Wealth—a nervous system– and spirituality-based journey into healing money anxiety, debt patterns, and your relationship with money.
