When Fear Disguises Itself as “Being Responsible”
Twelve years ago today, I was working diligently on launching my private practice. I had no idea how to start a business, but I was determined to get out on my own.
A couple of weeks prior, I left a secure job with benefits and a 401(k) to start my private practice.
On paper, it didn’t make much sense. In my body, it felt necessary.
After spending years as a stay-at-home mom, the long commute and ten-hour days were completely out of alignment with my values. I wanted to be present. I wanted flexibility. I wanted a life that felt simple. I wanted to see my kids!
So I made the decision to leave.
What I didn’t realize at the time was how unusual that actually is when money is involved.
Most of us don’t make money decisions based on our values. We make them based on what feels safest in the moment.
And “safe” often looks like:
a steady paycheck
predictability
not rocking the boat
not triggering old fears about survival or scarcity
We tell ourselves we’re being responsible.
But very often, we’re actually responding from a dysregulated nervous system.
When your nervous system doesn’t feel safe around money, fear has a way of dressing itself up as reason.
It sounds like:
“I can’t afford that.”
“Now isn’t the right time...the economy is bad.”
“I should wait until I feel more secure.”
“This is just the responsible choice.”
Sometimes those statements are true.
But many times, they’re coming from an old survival response, not from your current reality and not from your values.
A dysregulated nervous system is wired to prioritize immediate safety over long-term alignment.
So even when something is slowly draining you, limiting you, or keeping you small, your body may still cling to it because it feels familiar.
Familiar feels safe. Even when it isn’t nourishing.
I had to learn this the hard way
For years, I thought my struggles around money were about strategy.
I thought I needed:
better marketing
more training
a clearer niche
a smarter plan
And while some of those things helped, they never touched the deeper issue.
What I didn’t understand yet was that my relationship with money lived in my nervous system...not just my thoughts...where most coaches pay most of the attention.
Once I began doing deeper work to feel safer in my body around money, something shifted.
I stopped making decisions from panic.
I stopped imagining the worst.
I stopped forcing myself into choices that looked good on the outside but felt wrong inside and I started making more decisions from what I valued and how I wanted my life to actually feel like.
And from that place, my business stabilized… and then grew.
A Gentle Question for You
If you pause for a moment, you might ask yourself:
Where am I telling myself I’m being “practical,” but actually feel tight, constricted, or afraid?
What values feel compromised in the name of security?
What choices might look different if my body felt safer first?
This isn’t about reckless leaps or ignoring reality.
It’s about recognizing that when fear is driving the bus, even the most “reasonable” decisions can quietly pull you further away from the life you want.
This is the heart of the work I do, helping women feel safe enough in their bodies to make money decisions from clarity and trust...not survival.
