How money memories quietly run your business
I remember my mom counting groceries in her cart.
The cart was taller than I was as I watched her do this.
I didn’t know what she was doing or why…just that she hadto count. And I absolutely could not sneak anything extra into the cart because she’d take it out.
It was clear: no surprises at the checkout counter.
Our cart was usually filled with what I now call “real food,” no sodas, Twinkies, HoHos, or sugary cereals. Just ingredients. And Grapenuts (because they were “healthy” in the late ’70s and ’80s).
On the surface, this memory seems pretty benign. Nothing dramatic. We just didn’t have extra money for junk food, so we ate what was affordable and “healthy,” cans of green beans, ground beef for $1.99 a pound, wheat buns.
It’s also the story of a financially responsible, attentive mom. She wrote her checks carefully and immediately recorded each transaction in her check register.
(Side note: check registers were little paper logs where you manually tracked every dollar going in and out of your account. If you didn’t? You could bounce a check and get hit with a bank fee. The horror of that happening was very real in my house. Every dollar mattered. A $10 overdraft fee was a big deal.)
Anyway, I digress…
This memory didn’t feel traumatic at the time. And it still doesn’t, not in the way we usually think of trauma.
But what it did imprint on me was this:
We didn’t have enough, and we had to be very careful.
Because if we ran out of money? I didn’t know exactly what would happen but I knewit would be bad.
This memory surfaced during a Brainspotting session.
I suddenly realized it was connected to my deep fear of running out of money and specifically, not being able to buy groceries.
And here’s the kicker: that fear has actually led to a lifelong habit of overspending at the grocery store.
I never want to feel restricted at the store.
I want to throw whatever I want into the cart. I don’t want to count. I don’t want to pay attention. I want to cruise through the aisles, fill my cart with organic food, fancy dark chocolate, and whatever else I desire. I want to tap my card at checkout and see that sweet word: “Approved.”
When that happens, my nervous system relaxes. My inner child feels safe, even proud. My body breathes. I feel accomplished.
But when I do need to count, when I feel I “shouldn’t” spend too much, my younger self gets a little tantrumy.
I get grumpy at the store. I can’t figure out what to buy. Nothing sounds good. I feel guilty about a $5 chocolate bar.
Then comes the spiral:
I start focusing on everything I don’t have.
The fear kicks in: What if clients stop coming? What if my business tanks? What if I end up old, alone, and hungry in a dingy apartment?
I shift from believing “I’m always provided for” to “I can’t have what I want.”
And in that moment, I feel like a tantrumming child.
But what I really am is an adult in victim mentality—a mindset that absolutely does not support making money in business.
Here’s the thing: this memory seems harmless. But you never really know how these moments shape you.
For me, this one laid the foundation for a feast-or-famine pattern:
Spend it when you have it.
Shut it down when you don’t.
Other memories are more obviously traumatic. But trauma is personal—it's defined by the experiencer.
Money trauma can look like:
Parents fighting about bills
Going through bankruptcy
Not being able to pay for groceries
Losing everything in a stock market crash
Gambling or compulsive overspending
Growing up with emotional neglect, even if there was financial abundance
Yes, even the wealthy experience money trauma.
It might come from:
Being expected to take over the family business
Needing to behave a certain way to access an inheritance
Feeling like money, success, or work were more important than you
Memories of your parents choosing luxury travel over your school play, soccer game, or birthday
All of these moments create stories in your system—stories that shape your money mindset and, by extension, your business income.
When those memories are left unprocessed, they can activate unhelpful survival strategies.
Like my younger self, who equates grocery store restriction with danger and gets hijacked by fear.
When that’s running in the background, it’s hard to tap into a wealth mindset…one that trusts in enoughness, sees creative opportunities, and believes in safety and support.
So, if you find yourself swinging between overspending and panic, know this:
Your money story didn’t start with your pricing.
It started in the grocery store aisle.
It started with how money felt in your body as a kid.
And that’s where the healing begins.
What money memories do you have from your childhood that shaped you?
