Do you ever just STOP?? Or is your mind always in overdrive?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about control, grasping, and attachment, and how easily they sneak back in, even when I swear I’m living in trust and surrender.

This is my life lesson: learning, again and again, how to trust.

How to stop doing it all just to make sure I’m cared for.

How to hand over my stressors, struggles, and even my dreams...and make it all sacred.

And just when I think I’ve nailed it, I find myself right back in control mode.

Like when I’m posting 5,000 times a week on Instagram.

Or when my brain won’t stop thinking about what I should post, the classes I should take, the ways I should be better at helping my clients.

Or when I start comparing myself to other providers who are probably better at what I do.

It’s the voice that says, “Save more, invest more, pay off debt, pay for college, create more demand, figure it all out right now.”

Basically: “How am I going to do this?” about…everything.

My tendency to control is often so unconscious that I completely believe I’m in trust.

I’m saying my Abundance Prayer, meditating, feeling centered and then some deeper part of my brain is still running the show whispering,“You’ve got to make this happen.”

So I push, push, push.

Until I hit a wall. When I do that, I get really tired. I wanna quit and go be a greeter at Wal-Mart. My confidence plummets, and my mind is all out of ideas. I always feel a fever and a sore throat coming on, too.

A few months ago, I crashed smack dab into that wall.

I got on a call with my coach and said, “Hold onto your hat, we’ve got things to work through.”

Her advice was simple: Stop.

Stop posting.

Stop thinking.

Stop trying to make things happen.

Stop planning.

Stop worrying.

Serve the clients you already have.

Pare back your schedule.

Rest.

And that’s when it hit me-oh…holy shit...I’m not trusting again.

My body knew it. My mind knew it. My clients needed me to know it.

It was hard at first. It took effort to stop worrying, reading, posting, planning, and strategizing.

But once I did… it was also such a relief. I had an afternoon where I laid on my couch listening to the leaves blow, soft music in the background, and my phone nowhere in sight. My body LOVED it, and I started to come back online.

That’s where we’ll pick up next week...what actually happens after you stop pushing.

(Spoiler: it has a lot to do with surrender, self-compassion, and trusting life.)

In the meantime, if you notice yourself pushing-put your hand on your heart, feel your breath, and ask yourself: “What if I trusted that it's all working out for me and I can let go???”

You might feel a tiny bit (or a lot) of panic, which is okay; give that part a little bit of love. Meet that fear with "Ok, just for the next five minutes, we are going to let go." Keep on adding more time.

And then you will feel a little bit of peace.

That’s your nervous system starting to trust again.