Money Beliefs from Childhood: Why You Actually Want Money
Money Beliefs from Childhood Shape More Than You Think
There’s a moment in childhood where your relationship with money quietly takes shape.
Not because someone sat you down and taught you how to budget or invest.
But because of what you felt.
Your money beliefs from childhood are largely formed by the time you’re about 14.
Between ages 0–6, you absorb everything from your parents—how they talk about money, how they stress about it, how safe or unsafe it feels.
Then from 6–14, your world expands—school, friends, community.
And this is where things really start to land.
Because this is when belonging becomes everything.
How Money Gets Linked to Belonging
In 6th grade, my family moved back to my hometown and I started at a private Catholic school.
There were a lot of wealthy kids.
I remember someone asking me, very directly,
“Are you rich?”
And I remember another kid checking the tag on my shirt to see if it was name brand.
I had no idea how to answer either of those things.
I didn’t know what “rich” meant.
I didn’t know what brands mattered.
But I figured it out quickly:
If you had money, you belonged.
If you didn’t…you were kind of on the outside.
Who you were didn’t seem to matter nearly as much.
Unless you were attractive—then maybe you got a pass.
(Thankfully I wasn’t completely “unfortunate looking”—to quote Elle Woods.)
So I found my way in.
But something in me had already decided:
Money = belonging
This Isn’t Just Your Story
For a long time, I wondered if this was just a “me” thing.
Or maybe even a “girl” thing.
But it wasn’t.
A male classmate later shared how he was bullied for not having money.
Same school. Same environment.
Same message.
Why So Many Women Chase Money
When you really look at it, the messaging is pretty intense for a 12-year-old:
To belong, you need:
money
or looks
No wonder so many women struggle with:
overspending
undercharging
body image
chronic money stress
We’re not just chasing money.
We’re chasing belonging.
Why Do You Actually Want Money?
This is the question most people skip.
Why do you want money?
Not the “freedom” answer.
Not the “security” answer.
The real one.
When I got honest with myself, I realized:
I wasn’t just chasing financial freedom.
I was trying to prove I was worthy.
I wanted to belong.
To show those kids—and honestly, myself—that I was enough.
The Nervous System Link (Why This Feels So Real)
This isn’t shallow.
It’s biological.
We are wired for belonging.
At one point, being cast out of the group meant you didn’t survive.
So your system learned:
Belonging = safety
And if money got linked to belonging…
Money starts to feel like safety too.
Why Money Alone Doesn’t Fix It
There’s nothing wrong with wanting money.
I love money. There is real freedom in it.
But when you chase it from a place of:
“I’m not enough yet”
“Once I have this, then I’ll feel okay”
…it doesn’t land the way you think it will.
Because it’s trying to fill something it can’t fill.
Your 14-Year-Old Self Might Be Running Your Finances
This is why so many smart, capable women:
avoid their numbers
overspend
undercharge
overwork
It’s not lack of knowledge.
It’s that a younger version of you is still trying to belong.
And she makes sense.
But she shouldn’t be running your financial life.
How to Start Shifting Your Money Beliefs
The work isn’t to stop wanting money.
The work is to understand what’s underneath that desire.
Start here:
Notice when you feel urgency around money
Ask: what am I trying to prove right now?
Get curious instead of judgmental
Because when you see it clearly…
You start making decisions from who you are now.
Not from who you had to be at 12.
Final Thought
Your relationship with money doesn’t come from logic.
It comes from your experiences.
And when you understand that…
everything starts to soften.
