Last weekend, I found myself lying on a heated stone chaise lounge at a beautiful spa in Beaver Creek, Colorado.
Soft music was playing. I was surrounded by beauty and luxury. My friends were all off getting their spa treatments, and I had this stretch of time entirely to myself.
It was all I wanted. To be alone. To be quiet. To do nothing.
No clients. No writing. No posting. No marketing. No talking.
There was nothing I had to do.
And you know what my mind was doing?
Thinking about things to do.
Maybe I should write next week’s blog post... about how fucking hard it is for my mind to be quiet.
Or work on my website.
I could record a few Awakened Wealth Gems. Write an Instagram post. Do some online shopping.
Oh! Maybe I should read a book.
Or look at a magazine.
Or listen to the new Tosha Silver course I just purchased.
Or go back to my room, crawl into that luxurious hotel bed with my amazing views, and watch a movie.
I didn’t actually want to do any of those things.
I wanted to do nothing.
I had been looking forward to this time alone. I desperately wanted this time alone.
And yet, there I was, watching my mind want to do things.
It was fascinating.
And a little annoying.
And then came the gratitude.
As I lay there, I also experienced these incredible waves of gratitude.
Gratitude for being in this beautiful place.
For the luxury of the hotel. For the warmth of the stone beneath me. For the quiet. For the freedom to spend an afternoon doing absolutely whatever I wanted.
And I kept thinking about my younger self.
My 16-year-old self.
My 20-year-old self.
Even my 30-year-old self.
None of those versions of me could have imagined this life.
Not just the beautiful hotel or the spa treatments, but the freedom, the choices, and the life I’ve created.
I’ve spent so much of my life working toward things. Learning things. Healing things.
And here I was, in a moment that younger versions of me couldn’t have imagined, still wondering what I should be doing next.
I started thinking about my clients and how hard it can be for their active, inspired minds to settle into stillness.
I help women examine their relationships with money, work, achievement, fear, and the belief that they always need to be doing more.
I encourage them to practice doing nothing. To try yoga nidra. To sit outside, look around, and listen to nothing but the sounds of the trees.
And there I was, realizing how much I’m still on this path, too.
Some days, I might be a little farther ahead.
Other days, we’re walking side by side.
And some days, I might even be a few steps behind.
I haven’t figured it all out.
I’m a work in progress.
I don’t think the goal is to reach some magical place where our minds are always quiet, where we never overwork, or where we effortlessly surrender to every moment.
Maybe it’s simply learning to pay attention.
To notice what our minds are doing without needing to do anything about it.
So there I was, on that warm stone lounge, practicing the very thing I talk about with my clients.
Doing less.
Watching my mind do its dance.
Grateful for this experience. Grateful for the women who trust me with their hearts and minds. Grateful that I’ve learned to pay attention.
And in full transparency, I eventually grabbed my phone and voice-noted all the things my mind was dying to say.
Then I put my phone down and spent another 30 minutes on that warm stone lounge.
With a little more peace.
