The To-Do List Is Never Done: Money Anxiety, Rest, and Learning to Slow Down

My 99-year-old grandma recently said to me,

“I miss my busy life.”

And I cried. I could feel her grief.

Because this is a woman who got on a train alone in Canada at 16 and landed in Iowa, where she met my grandpa.

She raised seven kids.
Worked. Helped people. Went to church every Sunday.
Went to the gym. Had coffee with friends.
Played golf. Traveled.

She had a full life.

And now?

There’s no list.

Her meals are prepared.
There are no errands. No responsibilities.

For 99, she’s doing amazing.

But she misses it.

The planning.
The people.
The having things to do and places to go.

And it made me think…

How often are we trying to get to the place she’s already in?

Where everything is handled. Nothing left to do.

Everything is finally…done.

Because how often have you said:

“I’ll do this when…”

When the list is done.
When I have more time. When the kids are grown up.
When work slows down. When I have more clients.

I’ve said it too.

“Once I get everything done…then I’ll relax.”

There's something so satisfying and freeing about the list being done.

But let’s be honest.

It’s never done.

You finish one thing—another starts.
You clean the house—it gets messy again.
You clear your inbox—and then it fills right back up.

The list doesn’t end. It restarts. Every. Single. day.

So when you say,

“I’ll go to the gym when…”
“I’ll rest when…”
“I’ll take that trip when…”

You’re putting off your life.

Your health.
Your rest.
Your creativity.
Your ability to actually think clearly.

“I’ll relax when everything is done.”

My husband went to an event for work recently, and the speaker asked:

“When do you come up with solutions to your problems?”

People said:

Working out
Hiking
In the shower
Driving

No one said, “At work.”

Because your best thinking doesn’t happen when you’re grinding through a list and daily tasks.

It happens when you step away from it.

When there’s space.

And yet…we resist that space.

We cling to the list.

We don’t want to stop.

And if you’re really honest…a lot of that is about money, safety, and belonging.

“If I slow down, something bad will happen.”
“I’ll lose clients.”
“I won’t make enough.”
“I’ll fall behind.”

Or…

“This is how I prove I’m valuable.”
“This is how I don’t let people down.”
“This is how I stay in control.”

So we override everything.

Our bodies. Our exhaustion. That achy back that keeps telling you to get a massage or get off your office chair.

We just keep going.

But here’s the thing most people don’t realize:

When you stay in that constant push…your brain actually stops working well.

You get more reactive.
Less creative.
More stuck.

You’re working more, but your thinking is less effective.

(Which is not the goal.)

Learning to be with the list is an art.

Not getting rid of it.
Not conquering it.

Being with it.

Letting it exist…without letting it run your entire life.

And getting really honest about what’s underneath your need to keep going.

Is it money?
Is it worth?
Is it belonging?
Is it “if I stop, everything falls apart?"

Because for a lot of women…it’s not actually about the list.

The list is just where all of that hides.

We spend so much of our lives trying to get to “done.”

But there will be a time when things actually are done.

And it might not feel the way you think it will.

So maybe the question isn’t:

“How do I finish everything?”

It’s:

Can I make peace with the fact that the list will always be here…and take care of myself anyway?