Have you ever thought...
“I don’t have enough money. I need to make more!”
“I have debt. I need to make more money!”
“I’m so worried and stressed about money. If I could just make more, I’d finally relax.”
Or maybe it’s something deeper.
“If I made more money, my dad would finally respect me.”
“If I made more money, I’d finally feel successful. Worthy. Like I belong.”
Sound familiar?
Now, before we go any further, I want to be clear about something.
Sometimes making more money absolutely IS the answer. If you’re struggling to meet your basic needs, you probably need more income.
But that’s not what I’m talking about today.
I’m talking about those of us who make more money and somehow find ourselves right back where we started.
We get the raise, land the bigger client, or have our best year ever.
And yet, the debt is still there. Our spending increases. We work even harder. Or we have plenty of money but still feel anxious about it.
The numbers change, but our relationship with money doesn’t.
And this isn’t just something that happens to people making modest incomes.
Willie Nelson famously owed the IRS millions in back taxes. Toni Braxton filed for bankruptcy twice. MC Hammer reportedly earned tens of millions of dollars before filing for bankruptcy.
Clearly, making more money doesn’t automatically mean we know what to do with it.
And listen, I LOVE money. I want you to make more of it!
But I also want you to know how to BE with money.
What do I mean by that?
Well, for some of us, it means learning how to manage our money.
We need to understand what’s coming in and what’s going out. We need to learn how to save, pay off debt, invest, or simply say no to ourselves occasionally.
We need to learn how to take care of our money.
But there’s another part of this that I think is even more important.
As you to learn to be with your money, you start feeling some uncomfortable emotions that open up some pretty good questions...
Why do I avoid looking at my bank accounts?
Why do I spend money I don’t have and keep going into debt?
Why do I feel anxious spending money I DO have?
Why do I panic when I need to dip into savings, even though that’s exactly what savings are for?
Why do I feel like I never have enough, even when I have plenty?
And why do we sometimes believe that making more money will finally make me feel safe, successful, or worthy?
These aren’t necessarily problems that can be solved with a bigger paycheck or a better budget.
They’re invitations to get curious about ourselves.
About the experiences we’ve had, the messages we received growing up, and the beliefs and behaviors we’ve developed along the way.
Because sometimes our financial habits have very little to do with how much money we actually have.
And everything to do with what money means to us.
When we begin to understand those patterns, we can start to change them.
We can learn to earn more without working ourselves into the ground.
To save without grasping.
To spend without guilt.
To look at our bank accounts without fear or judgment.
And to enjoy the money we’ve worked so hard to earn.
So, no, making more money isn't always the answer.
But learning to BE with money instead of constantly reacting to it.
I write weekly on women, money, mental health, and spirituality.
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