I’m a financial coach… and I still have debt

It feels like a really good time to talk about debt shame—especially as those Christmas credit card bills are rolling in and you might be feeling a little sick to your stomach about them. Maybe you’re even avoiding looking at them altogether.

Which is completely understandable.

I know debt shame well. Like, really well.

I’ve been on the debt roller coaster for most of my life, and I know firsthand how deeply women and debt are intertwined with emotion, fear, and self-worth.

I remember getting my first credit card in my early 20s. It had a $100 limit. I did well with that one, so then I was given another… and another… and another.

Before long, I found myself deep in credit card and student loan debt. If someone was offering “free” money, I was going to take it—and enjoy dinners out, time with friends, and feeling cute while doing it.

At the time, I didn’t understand interest—the cost of money—or how brutally hard it makes getting out of debt. (One of the few things that actually stuck from my MBA program.)

I figured that one day, when I “hit it big,” I’d just pay it all off.

Ah… the ignorance of a younger, very optimistic mind.

But my mind isn’t so young anymore. And I do have an MBA. So I “should” have figured out money—money mindset and debt in particular—long before my mid-to-late 40s.

I didn’t.

And yes—I still have debt.

I am a financial well-being coach with debt. And as I type this, I can feel the shame monster stirring in my belly.

There was a time when that feeling would have stopped me from saying any of this out loud. But now I have much more compassion for myself—and for why I got here… again.

We live in a deeply debt-centric culture. Credit cards are offered on college campuses. Consumerism is relentless. Women are encouraged to spend in order to feel worthy, successful, or “together,” yet having debt is treated as a personal failure.

Our culture is a total mindfuck when it comes to women and money.

It says, “Buy this! It’ll make you happy! You’ll be more desirable! You’ll belong!”
And then it turns around and says, “Debt is bad. What’s wrong with you?”

No wonder money anxiety is so common—especially among women.

Most of us were never taught how to manage money or how to use debt in a way that actually benefits us. Instead, we absorbed beliefs about money from our families, our culture, and our nervous systems.

Like most money behaviors, money mindset and debt patterns are inherited—and emotionally driven.

I stayed on the debt roller coaster for years because I never addressed the emotional drivers underneath it. Avoidance, shame, and anxiety kept me from paying attention, which only allowed the debt to grow.

That’s how money anxiety works: not looking brings momentary relief, but the dread never actually goes away.

So yes, I still have debt. I’m cleaning up my past—and that is okay. I’m feeling my emotions, acting with compassion, and understanding the forces that led me here.

And that understanding changes everything.

Because when debt is met with awareness instead of shame, patterns begin to loosen. When women stop judging themselves for debt and start understanding their relationship to money, real change becomes possible.

This is the deeper work of healing debt shame—and it’s where true financial well-being begins.