I’m a financial coach… and I still have debt

It feels like a really good time to talk about debt… as those Christmas credit card bills are rolling in and you might be feeling a little sick to your stomach about them—and maybe even avoiding looking at them altogether.

Which is completely understandable.

I know debt shame well. Like, really well.

I’ve been on the debt roller coaster for most of my life.

I remember getting my first credit card in my early 20s. It had a $100 limit. I did pretty well with that one, so then I was given another… and another… and another.

Before long, I found myself deep in credit card and student loan debt. If someone was going to give me “free” money, I was going to take it—and have a really good time going out to dinner, going out with friends, and looking pretty cute while doing it.

I didn’t understand interest—the cost of money (one of the two things that actually stuck from my MBA program)—or how brutally hard it makes it to get out of debt.

I figured one day, when I “hit it big,” I’d just pay it all off.

Ah…the ignorance of a young and misunderstanding mind.

But my mind isn’t so young anymore. And I do have an MBA. So I “should” have figured out money long before my mid 40s.

I didn’t.

And yes—I still have debt.

I am a financial well-being coach with debt. And as I type these words, I can feel the shame monster stirring in my belly.

There was a time when that feeling would have stopped me from saying any of this out loud. But now I have much more compassion for myself—and for why I got here… again.

We live in a deeply debt-centric culture. Credit cards are offered on college campuses. Our national debt is over $38 trillion. Consumerism is voracious. We’re constantly encouraged to spend, yet having debt is taboo.

Our culture is a total mindfuck when it comes to money.

It says, “Buy this! It’ll make you happy! You’ll be more desirable! You’ll belong! Life will be easier!”

And then it turns around and says, “Debt is bad. Don’t have debt. Don’t you have any self-control? Didn’t anyone teach you how to manage your money?? What is wrong with you??”

And no—most of us were not taught how to manage money or how to use debt in a way that actually benefits us.

We usually repeat the patterns of our parents. So if credit card debt was part of how your parents managed money, there’s a good chance it shows up in your life too.

Like most money behaviors, debt habits are inherited and emotionally driven.

I stayed on the debt roller coaster because I never addressed the emotional drivers behind it.

So yes, I still have debt. I’m cleaning up my past, and that is okay. I’m feeling my emotions, acting with compassion, and now I understand the forces that led me here.

Which means that when this is paid off, I’m getting off this ride for good.

Why we get into debt (the psychology behind it)

More severe debt is strongly correlated with physical and mental health challenges. The more intense the anxiety, depression, overwhelm, or burnout, the more likely debt is present.

When you’re anxious or depressed, the last thing you want to think about is your bank account.

Another major factor I see again and again is a deep sense of unworthiness around money. When you don’t feel worthy, it’s hard to keep money, save money, or trust yourself with it. You may energetically repel it, ending up in situations where you don’t have enough, and a credit card fills the gap.

(And yes—shit happens. Most people outside of the top 1% will need to use debt at some point in their lives. Thank God it exists.)

Avoidance of emotions plays a huge role here, too. Even mild anxiety or depression makes us want to feel better fast. That’s not a personal failure, it’s how the brain works. Anxiety tells us something is wrong and needs fixing, so slowing down to feel is often the last thing we want to do.

The same is true with money. When we don’t feel our feelings about money or our lives, it becomes very easy to slide into debt.

Julie Murphy says it beautifully in The Emotions Behind Money:

“If you’re up to your eyeballs in debt or mortgaged to the hilt, you’re in those situations because of your emotions about money and how you internally process those emotions, which then become your external reality.”

I’d add this: it’s not just your emotions about money, it’s your emotions about yourself, your life, and your worth.

Because we often use money to feel better.

“I had a really hard week. I deserve this.”

In The Millionaire Next Door, Thomas Stanley describes two types of people: Prodigious Accumulators of Wealth (PAWs) and Under Accumulators of Wealth (UAWs). PAWs live below their means and prioritize freedom. UAWs often earn well but overspend in order to look rich.

Both exist at all income levels.

The desire to look rich is a powerful driver of debt and emotionally, it often comes from a shaky sense of self and worthiness.

And that usually traces back to childhood.

Unmet needs. Restriction. Lack. Being told no. Feeling unseen.

I’ve shared before about my mom counting groceries. So of course, I love walking into a store now and buying whatever I want. Restricted at Christmas? Not my kids. Restricted around travel or experiences? Not anymore.

And yes, those patterns can create debt.

When emotions aren’t felt, debt accumulates without a clear plan to resolve it. Shame follows. Avoidance grows. And suddenly, money becomes about survival.

Freedom slowly erodes…not just financially, but emotionally. Work becomes about paying off the past instead of building a life aligned with your values, desires, and well-being.

Here’s what I want you to know:

The answers to debt are not just about numbers or paying it off faster.

They’re about safety.

About compassion.

About feeling what you’ve been avoiding.

About understanding why the patterns formed in the first place.

For now, just notice what happens in your body when you think about your debt. Tightness? Numbness? Urgency? Shame?

That awareness alone begins to change the relationship.

We’ll talk more about what to do with all of this in the following weeks.