Does checking your bank account make you want to run?
So many of my clients are terrified of their bank account.
Just the thought of checking it makes their hands sweat, hearts race, and minds want to run.
They avoid it like the plague, until they can’t anymore.
On the flip side, I also work with women who grip their money so tightly that every penny is watched, tracked, categorized….and when those pennies go out? Full-blown panic.
And yet, they want to make more money.
They work hard to earn it because it feels like they have to work harder than men (which is often true, we’re still not paid equally). Plus, there’s the invisible load: caregiving, parenting, and running a household and a business. It all feels so heavy.
So what happens?
They say yes to too many clients…even the ones they don’t really want to work with.
They lower their prices just to get hired.
They push through exhaustion and pack their schedules full, working weekends even when their bodies are screaming for rest.
Because underneath it all, they’re scared.
Scared they’ll never get ahead.
Scared they’ll never be able to retire.
Scared to spend even when there’s money in the bank, because no amount ever feels like enough.
The truth is: what most of my clients really want isn’t millions of dollars in the bank. They want what Nancy Levin calls financial ease.
Financial ease means you’re no longer a slave to money, or to the patterns that keep you from receiving it. It means money stress stops running your life. It means you have space to breathe, to make choices that light you up, to live a life that actually feels juicy.
(And if you know Ayurveda, you know how important juicy is…think of rich, fertile soil ready to nourish all your dreams.)
But here's the thing: so many women swing between controlling every detail of their financial lives or avoiding it entirely.
They don’t know what’s in their bank account.
They avoid their debt.
They don’t have a handle on their monthly bills or what they’ve got saved (if anything).
And that avoidance? It creates even more fear, more anxiety, more 2 a.m. spirals.
Because the brain, bless it, will fill in the blanks with the scariest worst-case scenario, and call it being “realistic.”
That fear is often generational. It lives in your nervous system. It comes from your personal history, your family’s history, and a culture that taught women to shrink, not shine.
But the deepest truth? It’s a forgetting. A forgetting that our true source isn’t hustle or spreadsheets or clients or price points.
Our true source is The Divine, and She always provides.
When we let her.
Letting go of control, especially around money, is one of the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn in this life.
And it’s not easy.
One of my favorite lines from Tosha Silver’s abundance prayer says:
“Let me trust that all my own needs are always met in amazing ways and that it's safe to give freely as my heart guides.”
Let me trust. Whew. That’s a big one.
And it’s nearly impossible to do when you’re carrying money trauma, when your nervous system is stuck in survival mode, when you’ve spent your whole life believing that you are the one who has to make it all happen.
Like I said, this is a practice. A process. One I’m still in.
The Divine loves to test me with little “trust falls” to see if I’ll lean back into Her invisible arms.
Just today, my energy healer told me: “The future won’t change until you are in the present.”
Ugh. Truth bomb.
Because when we’re trying to control, we’re not actually present. We’re living in anxiety and fear, creating false futures we don’t even want, and then attracting exactly that.
Letting go is not giving up. It’s choosing a different way. It’s stepping out of fear and into faith.
It’s saying: I am willing to receive support.
And for me, that’s where brainspotting came in.
Working with my unconscious beliefs and calming my nervous system changed everything.
Trust got easier.
Letting go got easier.
And yep…making money got a whole lot easier, too.
Find out more about Awakened Wealth.
